You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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