she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
