she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
