I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
