Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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