rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
