There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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