I need help removing her.
please come you make the beer taste better
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
