last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
