69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
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