i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize