Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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