So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
