Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
In America we eat man semen.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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