Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just cut my nipple shaving
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
