Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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