More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You were trust falling into bushes
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
