btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it was like eating out sand paper
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
