my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
high people should be assigned attendants
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
