Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
