there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
