I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
