there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
