I'm gonna have a badass scar
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
