I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
