Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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