and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
