So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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