well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
