She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
