He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
