ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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