guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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