I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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