Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
