She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize