i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
