the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
