I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
nutella sex= disaster
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
