lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
