I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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