I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
