So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
