i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
