Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
