I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
