yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
