her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
