She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
