I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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