the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
