Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Floor bacon is actually really good
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
