I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
