how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize