fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
