So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
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