I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
