Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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