She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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