There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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