Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
