I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
