I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
