wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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