he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
