xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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