so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
