toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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